I am not good at praying.
I remember being a student at St. Thomas Aquinas and going to
Adoration. As I was supposed to be
praying for world peace and other noble causes, I typically was counting bricks
on a wall; I used to try to find ones that looked different from the rest. After I completed that task, I would generally look to see if anybody
kneeling in front of me had a dress code violation. If somebody did, I would think how lucky they
were that they went the entire day without getting caught. Then I would try to look at the alter and say
a few prayers, but of course, my mind would wander to how they made the
monstrance that holds the Eucharist, how much it cost and if the priest dropped
it and it shattered, would he really have to pick every piece of the Eucharist
out of the glass and eat it before they swept up what was left of the monstrance. Of course, if I needed
anything, like a good grade on a test, I prayed like you would not believe. I am bold enough to say that I could have
even given a few saints a run for their money with how well I could pray in a
time of need.
I graduated
STA and went on to Kapaun Mount Carmel.
I just knew that since I was older and in high school, prayer would come
easier; I was wrong. If anything it
became more difficult because there were more distractions. My senior year rolled around and I was
accepted into Rockhurst University. I
was excited to move away from home and be independent. Along with many exciting times and obstacles,
came the challenge of prayer. I figured
that since I was older coupled with attending a Jesuit University, prayer would
come easy. Sadly, it didn't. I remember a professor of mine, who happened
to be a Jesuit priest, told me that prayer is not always kneeling in church. He
told me I was making it more complicated than it should be. He said there are many different ways to
pray; I was stunned. He said if I see a sunset that is
particularly moving and it makes me think of God, to just whisper a few words,
even just say “thank you” and that can be considered a prayer. If I came across somebody less fortunate,
whisper the words “please help them” and that can be a prayer. To say this new way of praying opened up
doors for me is a gross understatement.
It was Prayer 101 for me and it became the foundation of which I try to
build upon to this day. Now, did this
solve my problems and make me a praying machine? No, of course not, but what it did is give me
something to fall back on when everything else seems to be failing. I just whisper “thank you” and “please help them” and at least it is
something.
I am in awe
of people who can just keep focus and maintain deep prayer. I remember I was helping to clean the Church
of the Blessed Sacrament one Saturday morning and had gone into the Adoration
Chapel to fill the holy water. I saw a
lady laying prostrate on the floor in prayer.
My first instinct was to run up there and help her, I thought she had
passed out. It never occurred to me that
anybody could be moved by prayer that much that they would actually lay down in
front of the Eucharist. That image stuck
with me for many reasons, but one was because it made me look at my own prayer
life. After trying different prayer
books, I finally gave up and decided I was not meant to be one of those people
and decided to take a different route. I
quit trying to pray and just did what I liked, which is helping people. As time
went on and the deeper I got into helping others, a funny thing happened; I
found myself praying for those less fortunate and it was actually coming
naturally.
I am not
encouraging anybody to stop praying, but to simply cut yourself some slack and
maybe go a different route. I am most
definitely a work in progress; I have no idea where this journey will take me
or how it will end. Even though I try, I
am far, far away from where I should be and ultimately want to be. For those reading this who are good at
prayer, thanks for being such a great example to the rest of us who can't
figure it out and please, pray for us.
:) To the people who are in my
boat, I have faith we will get it one of these days.
-Gina Adams
